Things That Worked: Responses for When You Have to Say ‘No’
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Welcome back for another round of ‘Things That Worked’!
This one is about how to respond to invitations and requests when you have to say ‘no’.
I mean, you could always just say, ‘No’. I’m sure some people do, and I imagine it gives them a tremendous sense of freedom!
But many of us really don’t like saying ‘no’—we want to be helpful, we want to jump at an opportunity, we don’t want to upset anybody.
Sometimes, we really, really want to say ‘yes’, even thought we know we shouldn’t.
Here’s what I do when I’m asked to do something and I know that I can’t—or shouldn’t—do it.
(Bonus: this post is a freebie, so please share it around if it’s helpful!)
‘Sorry, not right now.’
Sometimes the problem is timing. There are moments in the year when I have more things on my desk than usual, or important deadlines to meet. When that’s the case, I’m less likely to be able to accept an invitation to review an article or book, or to contribute to a publication, or to speak at an event.
In those cases, if it’s something I really would like to do (or wouldn’t mind doing), I usually explain that I’ve got a bit too much on my plate at the moment, but I might be able to accept the invitation if the timing were different:
‘My calendar is full at the moment, but I should have some time after [DATE]—is there any chance that might work for you?’
‘I would love to take this on, but I won’t be able to do so before [DATE]—will that work?’
‘I can’t get this to you by the proposed deadline because of a number of conflicting commitments, but I should be able to get it done by [DATE]—would that be all right?’
Responses like these leave the door open and give the other person a chance to consider whether or not their schedule can work with yours.
‘Sorry, I can’t.’
Look: we’re all busy people. It’s hard to squeeze one extra thing into an already busy schedule (or two extra things, or three). So sometimes it just isn’t going to work out. You don’t have to go into a lot of detail (unless you want to)—just make it clear you can’t do it:
‘Due to my present commitments, I regret that I’m unable to [FILL IN THE BLANK’].
‘My writing calendar for the coming year is already full, and I regret that I can’t fit this in.’
‘I’m afraid I have a scheduling conflict at that time that will make it impossible for me to [FILL IN THE BLANK].’
‘I’m currently finishing [PROJECT] and, under the circumstances, I’m afraid I won’t have time to [FILL IN THE BLANK].’
And because precariously employed people often end up doing a disproportionate amount of uncompensated (and unrecognised) ‘service’ for their fields, on a couple of occasions I’ve gone into more detail:
‘As a precariously employed researcher leading a major team project, my current priority is to ensure the successful completion of my team’s research, and I’m afraid I can’t take on this additional work.’
‘Have you thought of approaching this other person?’
Sometimes there’s a better person for the job.
Or sometimes you have to say ‘no’, but can think of some alternative people you might suggest. This is nearly always a helpful thing to do.
‘I’m afraid I’ve already reviewed this book elsewhere, but have you considered [PERSON X]? She’s completing her dissertation on this topic and would do a great job.’
‘I’m so sorry, I’m afraid I don’t have the time to take this on. However, you might try contacting [PERSON X]—he might be able to help out.’
Just try not to suggest people you know are already overcommitted (if you’re unsure, ask them before you put their name forward).
‘No, thank you.’
Maybe you’re being invited to present a paper in a state where you might not have access to proper healthcare in the event of an emergency.
Maybe you’re uncomfortable with being invited to participate in a conference panel that won’t reflect the diversity of your field.
Or maybe you’re being asked to write something for a publication with a dodgy history when it comes to things like racism and sexism.
When your health, safety, or principles are on the line, a polite ‘no, thank you’ should be sufficient.
As ever, thanks for reading. This is a reader-supported publication, and paid subscribers like you are the ones who keep it going. If you’re feeling extra generous, and you’d like access to the archives, the ‘Things That Worked’ series, the ‘AMA Q&A’ series, and regular feedback on your own writing as often as you like (yup, really!), you can become a Founding Member ($150).
Here’s wishing all of you a wonderful weekend!
VB,
M