Gooooooooood morning, afternoon, or evening, wherever you happen to be!
Last Friday, I helped run an all-day workshop for doctoral students. It was all about incorporating creative practice into literary criticism, and was the first time I shared my work as a humorist with my academic colleagues. Fun, but also anxiety-inducing! #WorldsColliding (And I’m sure my colleagues are super impressed that I use my expertise to write pieces like this one.)
During the afternoon, we had a short session where we practiced talking about our work with one another. In academia, you are constantly introducing yourself and your ongoing research (something I’ve written about here). Weirdly, though, you don’t often get a chance to reflect on how you might want to do that, so we were giving everyone a chance to practice.
At one point, a doctoral student asked a question: what should we do if someone is rude or nasty about our work?
I wish I could say that we were all horrified at the mere thought that something like this could ever happen. Well, we were—but we weren’t at all surprised.
Each of us had a story about an encounter we’d had with jerks in the workplace. Some people had described their research to somebody else and then heard, ‘Why would anyone work on that?’ One person who went to Oxford described an encounter with a senior colleague who, upon hearing the subject of her thesis, said, ‘Well, that’s not very “Oxford”, is it?’ I’ve had people tell me that the subject of my thesis—and first book—was boring (though I am the first to admit that the fifteenth-century poet John Lydgate is not everybody’s cup of tea).
These encounters feel particularly awful when you’re just starting out in your field. So what can you do when things like this happen?
Though the drama queen in me loves the idea of tossing a drink into a rude person’s face with a loud how DARE you, Sensible Mary knows that this sort of move is not wise (and would not recommend such a move to anybody).
I also know that the identity/status/character of the person dishing out the steaming pile of rudeness (and their relationship to you, their innocent victim) can play a big part in determining what the most appropriate response is—a peer might be able to laugh off (or learn from) a joke that points out their rudeness, while a Head of Department might not. Also, some victims of rudeness are more privileged than others, which can make it a little easier (or at least less risky) for them to respond to jerks in the workplace. And sometimes, no matter who you are, the safest thing to do is smile and beat a hasty retreat to a more pleasant conversation happening somewhere else.
Nevertheless, I thought I’d try to combine my work as a humorist with my years of experience in academia to come up with a few strategies and comebacks that might prove helpful during encounters with jerks in the workplace!
Remember what you enjoy about your project
I suppose this would be the academic equivalent of Michelle Obama’s ‘when they go low, we go high’ mantra. And while I don’t particularly want to remember the 2016 presidential election, I do agree that it’s best to take the high road whenever possible.
So if someone has rolled their eyes or questioned why anyone would want to work on a topic like yours, tell them why! Talk about what you find interesting about your project. Not only will this boost your spirits, but it will hopefully forestall any further nastiness. (In some situations where I’ve used this approach, it’s shut the other person up altogether.)
Then, once you’ve waxed lyrical about fourteenth-century asceticism (or whatever), turn the tables and ask them to talk about their work.
Here’s an example of how this might go:
Them: So what are you working on?
You: I’m writing my thesis on John Lydgate’s public poetry.
Them: Ugh, I can’t believe anyone would bother to read his work!
You: I find it fascinating! It’s just incredible to think that this monk was writing poetry on behalf of the Lancastrian dynasty when there was so much at stake! I originally got interested in him because of Shakespeare’s history plays—it’s such a colourful period of English history. But what about you? What got you interested in your research?
Or, if somebody suggests that your kind of research doesn’t belong, or isn’t the usual kind of research being done in that field, talk about how exciting that is:
Them: What’s your book about?
You: It’s about affective logistics in later medieval mysticism.
Them: Well, that’s not the kind of thing people at this institution/in this field usually work on, is it?
You: I know, that’s what I find so exciting! I feel like I’m doing something really new, you know? It’s great to feel like I’m not just doing the same old thing everybody else does for their first book, like I might make a genuine contribution to the field.
What I like about this approach is that it keeps your focus where it belongs: on what you find interesting about your work, rather than on what somebody else thinks of it. Plus, being able to explain what’s interesting and important about your work will be really helpful when you’re applying for jobs and funding.
Let’s play YTA
This isn’t the highest road you can take, but I believe there are occasions when it’s worth responding with something that makes the other person stop in their tracks and/or reflect on what they’ve just said.
Sometimes, the best way to do that is to act like you didn’t hear them correctly or didn’t understand. If somebody’s just made a mean or inappropriate joke, calmly ask them to repeat it (‘Sorry, can you repeat what you just said?’) or calmly ask them to explain it (‘Sorry, I don’t get it’). Sometimes that’s enough to get someone to back off or even issue a retraction.
If someone has made a rude comment, you can also respond with a simple ‘okay’. It’s non-confrontational, it doesn’t engage with the rudeness or respond in kind, and it can enable you to immediately change the subject or move on. It also doesn’t require any thought or effort on your part. It’s kind of like a verbal shrug. 🤷♀️
You can even combine these responses:
Them: What do you work on?
You: I’m producing a new edition of the Secretum secretorum.
Them: Well, that’s kind of a weird thing to be doing at this university, isn’t it?
You: Sorry, I don’t get it.
Them: What I mean is, most people here don’t do editions for their doctoral theses. That’s not really a ‘thing’ here.
You: Okay.
Maybe someone suggests that your research isn’t worth doing. That happened to me before I started my current project. I went to a senior colleague to discuss what I wanted to do, and he replied, ‘Huh. Chaucer? I dunno, I sort of feel like everything’s been done on Chaucer. There isn’t really anything new or interesting to say about him, is there?’ (Thankfully I didn’t listen to him: I went on to be awarded two major grants to pursue that project.)
Now, in my case, I solicited advice and received an unhelpful response. But if you receive unsolicited comments like this, you can always laugh it off:
You: I’m currently writing a biography of Chaucer.
Them: Oh, nobody’s going to buy that, not after that massive biography that came out a couple of years ago.
You: [with EITHER a serious face OR a laugh] Thank you. Your concern has been noted.
Respond with a joke
This kind of response will depend on a lot on the people you’re with, and whether or not you feel safe/comfortable teasing them or making a joke. But if someone has just said something uncalled-for and you feel like you can joke around with them (or if you’re in the company of friends and allies), you can jokingly draw attention to the fact that their remark isn’t appropriate to the situation before changing the subject:
‘Wait! I thought this was supposed to be a friendly get-together!’
‘Sorry, I’m off-duty right now! Let’s talk about something else.’
‘Ah c’mon, let’s not ruin a good dinner!’
You can also joke about how confrontational/inappropriate/wrong their remarks are:
‘Shoot, now I wish I hadn’t left my dueling pistols at home.’
‘Oh no! I was having such a nice time until you said that!’
‘Wow! You said that!’
‘You know what I love about academia/this workplace? How friendly/supportive/welcoming everybody is!’
Again: just laugh, make your joke, and change the subject to something you do want to talk about. Or, you know, find someone else you actually want to talk to.
The most important thing you should do
Remember: this is on them, not you. Some people are just awkward or have a tendency to say the wrong thing (again: see under ‘academia’). Others are just jerks, and therefore not worth your time. Respond as calmly and classily as you can. Don’t let their rudeness interfere with how you feel about your work. And whenever possible, hang out with supportive, kind people. They will always be worth your time.
As ever, thanks for reading. I make my living by writing, so if you enjoy Page by Page please consider becoming a paid subscriber (either at $5 per month or $50 per year), which gets you access to absolutely everything on PBP as well as access to a weekly Monday check-in Chat thread where you can receive support, encouragement, and tools for your writing!
If you’re feeling really generous, and you’d like access to everything on PBP and regular feedback on your own writing whenever you need it, you can become a Founding Member ($150).
VB,
M
I’ve had the privilege of meeting a few glorious jerks through my career and I might have used those techniques and some others in the books. Still, the one I’m the most proud is when a manager told me I should read his MBA thesis to progress in my career… a month later he asked me if I had read it ( a tremendous effort of copy paste from many reliable sources and not a single original idea) and I replied:
“I did. Did you?”